Phil’s Jabroni of the Week

Welcome to Stamford: The City That Jumps The White House Fence

Stamford is known for a variety of things: we have the second largest Thanksgiving balloon parade in the country, Colony Pizza (obviously), and our downtown scene just to name a few. With the good, however, comes the bad. Stamford has made the papers or news for some of its unfortunate instances as well. Some may remember the infamous “Monkey” incident, or when there were threats made on the RBS building post 9/11. Recently, Stamford has again made major headlines. This time, it was for trespassing on one of the most secure grounds in the United States.

This past Thanksgiving Thursday, 22-year-old Stamford resident Joseph Caputo jumped over the White house fence while wearing an American flag and carrying a “rewritten Constitution”, which caused havoc in Washington. According to his attorney Stephan Seeger, Caputo was simply trying to “deliver a message of change”. Unlike other fence jumpers in the past, Caputo was not trying to cause harm, but attempted to get his message across.

White House Dumbass

He has been diagnosed with an Asperger’s Syndrome, an autism-spectrum disorder, but has since been able to manage his condition appropriately. It’s been noted that Caputo left a will with his mother and a note that hinted that he was planning to die on Thursday. On the contrary, Seeger says that Caputo wasn’t intending on ending his life, but was trying to communicate the repercussions of his actions to his mother. He was charged with one count of illegal entry onto restricted grounds, which holds a maximum sentence of one year in prison.

Jumpman Jumpman Jumpman, This Guy’s Up To Something

Alright, Joseph. Let’s play a little game called “How to Not Get arrested”. First rule: DON’T JUMP ONTO THE WHITE HOUSE LAWN YOU DUMBASS! Sure it was probably for a good reason, and that your little binder had a lot of cool ideas in it, but maybe breaching the White House property isn’t how you spread your message. Next time, shoot me an email; I’ll put your “constitution” on my blog. You can’t get arrested for that!

I also read that you are/were studying criminal justice and martial arts at the University of Bridgeport. I’d assume that somewhere in their curriculum they have a section dedicated to trespassing. Were you sick during those classes? Maybe you were writing your little constitution instead of learning that you can’t leap onto the President’s front lawn. Either way, tell your parents that when you’re done with all this to re-register for those classes. I’m sure that you’re not a threat to society, but I know for a fact that you are a total dumbass.

You have slight Asperger’s Syndrome, and being a person with a disability myself I can feel your pain, but that can only go so far. Where were your parents in this case? If I knew I had a son who had a disability I’d keep a better eye on what he’s doing or what his personal intentions are. If you’re offended by this, might I remind you of Amendment 1 that entitles me to speak my mind. If you’re not sure, ask Joe. After all, he’s going to school for this kind of stuff. I’d check in a couple of weeks though, since the Secret Service probably gave him detention.

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