Vote for Phil: What I’d Do if I Became President

Every four years, us Americans vote on a decision that impacts not just us U.S citizens, but pretty much the world in general. We elect someone who we feel is capable of leading our country to bigger and better things, as well as keeping the peace among all the other nations and citizens alike. This year, we decided to pick two candidates that, in my opinion, are a little different than the candidates of the past. We have a passionate billionaire who is using this platform to express what he feels America needs to do to be “great again” in Donald Trump, and the first woman to lead a presidential ticket in 240 years in Hillary Clinton. I’m sure to most that one of these two seems like the answer, but what if I ran? What if I was the one calling the shots for America? Here are a few things that I’d do if I was ever given the nod to be the President of the United States.

If I was president, I’d want to do things different. I wouldn’t live in the White House, for example. I think that’s more of a historical landmark than it is a residence. I’d want to live at my house (surrounded by Secret Service and body guards, of course). My brother would be my VP, and my parents would be the honorary first parents (I’m riding my term as president solo, sorry ladies). My State of the Union would include an entrance theme song, preferably Hulk Hogan’s theme song, and I’d speak less formal than any other president. I feel that in order to lead the people, you need to be the people. I wouldn’t wear suits (as fancy as I’d look); I’d probably wear some jeans and a t-shirt to most of my events. I want the people to know that their president is comfortable with everything he does, from international negotiations to debating if LeBron is better than Jordan (which he isn’t, sorry guys). To sum it up, I want to be someone who leads the nation, but as a citizen and not as an uptight politician.

As far as laws and stuff go, obviously all of that gets situated through congress, and my job would basically be to accept or veto the bill. Here’s a quick take on how I feel about a few topics in the U.S:

  • Same Sex Marriage: Everyone deserves someone to love, who are we to judge who that person is? I’m all for it.

  • Immigrants: America is the land of opportunity, and I think that those who are serious about it should get one (pending a successful background and psychological check). The only wall that I support is from Pink Floyd.
  • Same Sex Bathrooms: Dude, if you gotta go, you gotta go. Who cares who else is in there?
  • Gun Laws: I believe in the second amendment right, as long as those who legally carry are mentally capable of owning a gun. Similar test to the immigrant situation, but a little more intense considering we’re dealing with weapons.

  • Terrorism: We have one of the best militaries in the world, and I would do everything in our power and rights to make sure that we protect America to the fullest extent.

  • Legalization of Marijuana: Just as the booze hounds weren’t happy until they got their liquor, the stoners aren’t happy until they get their bud. I’m all for it and unlike Clinton, I’ve inhaled a time or two, and it’s not all that bad.



When it comes down to my campaign, I’d have to have a sweet theme to it, right? I guess I’d gear my campaign towards the younger demographic, or “millennials” as our parents refer to us as. I’d have rallies at high schools, colleges, and any other youth organization. I feel as if this demographic is sometimes overlooked, or ignored, and if I were able to capture the vote of the youth, I’d be in good shape. Plus, I’d get the younger people out to the polls instead of taking one on Facebook. My slogan would probably be something like “If you vote for Phil, everyone else will!” or something like that.

When it comes down to debates, I think I’d be a pro. If you ever tried to have a conversation with any of my friends or family, it’s pretty much the same concept anyways. Unlike some candidates (one whose name rhymes with Schmonald Schrump) I won’t take any low blows to any of my other candidates, but challenge their knowledge on the topics at hand as well as use their ideas to build my own. No need to knock the credibility or opinion of others to get others to approve of my ideas, I’d rather beat them intellectually. More or less, I’d change the way that presidents campaigned, and make it fun in the process!

This November, we will either vote for Hillary or Donald to run this country. Given their points of view, ideas on how to change certain policies and laws, and just the way they’ve been conducting themselves, I feel as if the average American still doesn’t fully understand what they really represent. I also don’t believe that neither candidate really represents the average person in America, the closer of the two would probably be Trump, but that’s beside the point.  Hence why I felt that, shit, if they can run then so can I! Who knows, maybe when I’m 35 I’ll take a shot at it. Until then, I’ll just enjoy the reality TV show that is the American Presidential Election.


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