Life is Short, and So Am I

Who Ever Said Size Matters?

If you know me personally, then you know that I’m not the tallest guy in the world. All my life, I’ve always been the short one, the kid who wasn’t big enough. People have judged my abilities based on my height before I even got a chance to open my mouth or show them that I’m capable of doing the task at hand, despite the fact that I’m, let’s just say, vertically challenged. One thing that I’ve learned through all this was that size doesn’t mean shit unless you play wide receiver in the NFL or any position in the NBA for that matter. I stand 5’6’’, but inside I’m bigger than you’ll ever know. It’s never the size of the dog in the fight but rather the fight in the dog and this dog is salivating at the mouth, waiting for my moment to pounce.

A Short Story…Literally.

Wayne's World

I remember one of the first moments I had where someone had chosen to pick on me because they happened to be a little taller than I am. It was second grade on the bus ride home. I was wearing my Florida Panthers hat, a favorite at the time, minding my own business staring aimlessly out the window watching the houses pass by. A kid on the bus; let’s just call him Carl, decided that the hat on my head would look much better on his. He saw his opportunity to swipe it off my head and he did just that. Confused, I turned around and asked him to give it back to me, to which he held it in the air and told me to grab it.

Of course, this was one of those typical moments where the short kid is jumping up at the object he can’t reach, sort of like a little brother being teased by his older sibling. The other kids on the bus started to laugh, my face turning a brighter shade of red and tears developing out of the corners of my eyes. I decided to stop jumping, knowing that my hat was out of my reach. It was in that moment where I had my first anger black out. My mind went blank, teeth grinding out of sheer anger, my then open hands balled up into two small fists.

Without warning, I jumped on Carl and unleashed a fury of punches onto any spot of his body that was vulnerable. The whole moment probably lasted about 15 seconds, but to me it felt like forever. I came to once I was being grabbed by other kids and eventually the bus driver and ripped off of Carl. After a “you can’t do that” lecture by the driver and an apology from Carl, I put my hat back on my head and continued staring out the window, knowing that Carl wouldn’t be messing with me anymore.

“You’re Too Small”

It wasn’t just in school that my short stature was looked down upon (no pun intended). Almost every sports team I’ve ever played for I was the primary concern because I wasn’t big enough and “could get hurt”. There was even a time when I was cut from making a team based primarily on my size, not on my skill. Mind you, I played hockey my whole life, and always had to deal with kids that were taller and bigger than me since I was young. That meant getting hit, slashed, chirped at, cheap shots, and anything else you can think of. I realized that if I was quick, then the bigger guys couldn’t catch me. I decided that I’d focus more on my hands and speed than I would on my physical style of play.

When the physical aspect of the game presented itself to me, I took it head on rather than ran away from it. I thrived on dropping the bigger kids out there. I’d take out legs, jump up and drive my shoulder into the middle of their chests, hack their ankles, just about anything to be like a fly: small, annoying, yet effective. Sure I’ve gotten my ass kicked a time or two, but it comes with the territory. Not to mention I’ve handed out a few ass beatings myself to kids fairly bigger than me.

Pint Sized Prince Charming

When it comes to girls, they want a guy who is tall, dark, and handsome; not a guy who’s small, semi-pale, and rather good looking. If I had a dollar for every girl who didn’t give me a chance because of my height, I’d have enough to take at least one of them out to a fancy dinner or two I’m sure. Don’t get me wrong, I love the ladies, and I’m sure some of them love me back, but a majority of them wouldn’t give me the time of day because I didn’t meet the “Dream Guy” height requirements. I always believed in not judging a book by its cover and feel as if the same principle applies to judging someone on their physical stature as well. Anyone who feels different could get on their knees and kiss my short ass.

Big Things Come In Small Packages

Think being small sucks? Think again! All you tall people can never find anything that fits you, whereas I’m the perfect size for just about any type of clothing. Playing hide and seek when we were younger must have sucked for you guys too. While you’re struggling to hide behind a curtain or under a bed, I fit conveniently into any nook and cranny which you’ll never be able to spot me from. Yeah, there may be a few rides that I wouldn’t be able to make it on, but if that’s the least of my worries, than I’m happy.

Joe Pesci…That Is All.

Don’t think that just because someone is smaller than you that you automatically have an advantage to them. If anything, you’re more screwed than you think. Remember Goodfellas and Casino? Who was the actor that played the most feared characters in each of those movies? That’s right, Joe Pesci. Wanna know how tall he is? 5’4’’. Point being, we may be the smallest in the room, but we make the biggest impacts. If you have a problem with me, you better not come up short, because when all is said and done, I’ll be bigger than you because you’ll be on your back. Capeesh?


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