The Apprent-Ass: Jobs Trump Can Have Once He Loses the Run for President

“I will be the greatest jobs president that God ever created.”

This upcoming Presidential Election, to me at least, is more of a reality show than it is a matter of electing a new leader of the United States. If this were the case, then the main character of the show would have to be none other than Donald J. Trump. After his recent comments about temporarily halting Muslim Immigrants from entering our country, he put himself in deep water and may have damaged his run for president. That being said, my question is: if (and hopefully when) he loses his run for presidency, what will he do next? For a billionaire who’s practically done just about everything, what jobs are out there for him? Well, I thought of a few jobs that hold a little less responsibility than the president, and where our buddy “The Donald” would fit like the piece of rug does on his head.

Border Patroltrump Patrol

Seeing as Trump assumes that Mexico isn’t sending their best people over (apparently, only the rapists and drug peddlers), maybe he can be the one

 who chooses the people that are best fit for his “Make America Great Again” campaign. We know he wanted to build an illustrious wall at the boarder of Mexico and America to fend away these wrongdoers, but we
all know that didn’t and won’t happen. I’d love to see Trump chase down immigrants running into America all day. In fact, I’d have cameras following him all day and make a show out of it. I’d call it “Toupee vs. Ese”

TSATrump Security.jpg
Imagine you’re in an airport. You are about to go through to your flight until you hear a TSA employee say “This bag isn’t brand name, they must have drugs or weapons in it!” Trump would be comical with the TSA. Johnny Quest would have no problem boarding his flight, but his buddy Hadji on the other hand would be randomly selected for a closer examination. God forbid he got stuck checking luggage going to Mexico. All that plays through my mind is the scene in the movie Blow where Boston George is trying to get the cocaine through customs and the conversation that would take place: “As long as you stayed at a Trump Hotel, I didn’t see anything. By the way, you look a lot like Johnny Depp!”

Since our buddy Trump likes to build stuff, why not take care of the grounds of the properties that you own first hand? I’m sure you can get the best daffodils and shrubbery money can buy, and would create many jobs in the landscaping field since, you know, you said God put you here to create work. Well, maybe God put you on here to plant trees and cut grass. If you run out of turf, you can always use that ridiculous hairpiece to fill in the gaps. Watch out for those bald eagles too: I hear they don’t take kindly to people who would be a bad representative of our country.

No matter what Mr. Trump decides to do, hopefully it’s one of the above jobs and not the leader of the free world. I think it’s safe to say that when your time comes to be the republican representative for the presidential candidate, America will tell you “You’re Fired!”


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