Phil’s Top 5 Snobbiest Towns in Connecticut

Assholes

Anyone who isn’t from Connecticut would assume that almost anywhere you go, you’ll find some rich yuppie snob who rocks a polo with boat shoes while driving his boat on the Long Island Sound. Sure, in some towns that’s the case, but for the most part we’re alright. Recently, The Stamford Advocate released a list of the “10 Snobbiest Towns and Neighborhoods in Connecticut” based off of info gathered by RoadSnacks, a website dedicated to gathering weird info on towns such as drunkest, most redneck, and most dangerous. Here is the top 10 that they seemed to have put together (from first to last):

  1. Darien
  2. Greenwich
  3. Old Greenwich
  4. Weston
  5. New Canaan
  6. Westport
  7. Wilton
  8. Riverside
  9. Cos Cob
  10. Simsbury

Now, first thing that I got out of this list is the fact that Greenwich is on here 4 out of the 10 times: Greenwich, Old Greenwich, Riverside, and Cos Cob. I always thought that people from Greenwich assumed their shit doesn’t stink, apparently so does everyone else. Do I think this is an accurate list? Eh. It’s alright. In my opinion, I think I can narrow down the top 5 snobbiest towns in Connecticut (Stamford excluded, not even with bias). Here are my top 5 Snobbiest Connecticut towns:

#5 Wilton
I put Wilton at number five only because I couldn’t think of any other town that could be snobby besides my top 4 that I really despise. I had a few friends, or people I’ve met, that are from Wilton, and they’re not all that bad. Not much to say about Wilton, just tone down the snobbiness, I guess?

#4 Ridgefield
Ridgefield is at number four on my list because to me, they’re snobby, but only if you make them. A few people that I know from Ridgefield are actually pretty chill people, but then there are some who I wish would jump into the middle of route 7 and just do us a favor. Sports wise, they were annoying, but that was only because they were pretty good. Then again, when you can afford the best of everything, you’d be good too.

#3 Greenwich
As I stated before, on the official list, the town of Greenwich appears on the snobbiest list a total of 4 times. I spent almost every summer of my childhood in Old Greenwich, and again, for the most part Greenwich kids aren’t that bad. Some of my better friends growing up are from there. So besides them, the rest of Greenwich is annoying as hell. We get it: you’re good at football and have the O.G Garden Catering. Also, tell the cops there that it doesn’t take 4 of them to pull me over for barely rolling through a stop sign. My tints are so you don’t see me giving you the finger, you assholes. The girls in Greenwich are the worst too. Good looking, but their attitudes automatically drop them to a 4. To all those Greenwich guys who try to act like they’re hard, just remember when you cross the Stamford boarder to humble yourself, or we will for you.

#2 New Canaan
Nothing says snobbish like New Canaan, CT. From their Polo everything outfits to their up turned noses as you speak to them, they actually believe that money in their pockets serves as a badge to belittle anyone who isn’t of their caliber. As someone who hosted parties for children as a job, the families that I dreaded the most were those from New Canaan. Their children don’t know please or thank you, the parent’s allow their children to be brats, and frankly I just don’t care for that bullshit. Why don’t you be like your school mascot and go get rammed?

#1 Darien
I wish there was an adjective repulsive enough to describe my HATRED for the town of Darien. Everything about your town screams waspy, yuppie, and snob to the T. I hope that all of your country clubs catch a wild fire and that your children’s au pairs fart in their cereals every morning. I remember specifically being called “white trash” because I was from Stamford from someone in Darien. White trash? Actually, Stamford is only 53% white to your 95%, so I think the possibility of having trashy white people is more in your favor. Do us all a favor and shove one of those many lacrosse sticks up your ass and cradle the zero fucks I give about your town. Thanks.

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