With all that’s been going on in the world, I have been thinking a lot about my life and where it stands as of now. I currently have a great full time job, a bunch of family and friends that are awesome, and get to live life as I want to every day. Being observant, I like to take little things in life and bring some humor to it. For example:
Overly Obese People in Motorized Wheelchairs
Growing up, I always assumed that if you had to be in a wheelchair that meant that you couldn’t use your legs. Nowadays I see all these tubs of lard rolling around on these motorized wheelchairs, and if those wheels could talk would be screaming HELP ME! Not being able to put down the Oreos is in my opinion no excuse as a handicap. Maybe if you tried to carry that weight you decided to put on around when you walked, you wouldn’t need to wheel around. If you’re going to use anything, try a forklift.
People Who Don’t Say “Bless You” When You Sneeze or “Thank You” When You Hold the Door
I don’t care what religion you practice, I know for a fact that whenever someone sneezes, you were taught to say bless you. I would rather have 5 people awkwardly say that than me awkwardly screaming THANK YOU, YOU ASSHOLES! I hope that when you sneeze, no one blesses you and you and the devil crawls in your nose. Another pet peeve of mine is when people don’t say thank you when you hold the door for them. It should be a law that anyone not thanked for holding the door should be able to trip said douchebag.
J Walkers That Cross NEXT to a Crosswalk
One of my favorite albums of The Beatles is Abbey Road. God forbid if there were a car about to hit them as they took that famous walk across the street, they would’ve been perfectly fine since they were in the cross walk. As for all of you assholes who feel the need to grill me as I wonder why you’re crossing the street NEXT to the crosswalk, I’d feel no shame if you became my new hood ornament.
There’s plenty that I can go on and on about, but this is just a little glimpse inside the head of me, Philly B.