Monday: The Red Headed Stepchild of Days

You know the old saying “Tomorrow’s another day!” usually said by a friend who is trying to consult you when you get shut down on a date, or more popularly used by procrastinators as a way to brush aside an important task. Whoever says “tomorrow’s another day” on a Sunday is bullshitting you. It’s not just another day: it’s Monday. Dreaded by many, loved by very little (unless you have money on the Monday Night Football game, then it can be either or).

Start of Something Beautiful…Or The Work Week.

Monday means that you have to actually set a time to wake up and be somewhere that you’d rather not be. Unless you thoroughly love your job, Monday starts the same routine that you had last week: wake up, lay in bed and contemplate calling out of work, actually get to work and deal with the same B.S, than be relieved that the day is over. If Marshawn Lynch worked a normal job, than he’d be the first to tell you “I’m just here so I don’t get fired” as he strolls in on Monday. Same here Beast Mode, now pass me some Skittles.

Murphy’s Law

I’m not sure if this was on purpose, but whoever established the modern day calendar must have known that everything seems to go wrong on Monday. Need to be at the train station by 8AM? How ironic! Traffic is backed up to your front door step! Remember that document that you branded into your brain to not forget on the kitchen table? Well, you totally forgot it. If you have anything important to do on Monday, wear a helmet. It’s going to get bumpy.

Why The Long Face?

Friday through Sunday, you’re living care free. All the nonsense that you dealt with during the weekdays can be put on the back burner and you can feel free to let loose. That is, until you blink and its already Sunday night. People get into work and look as deflated as Tom Brady’s sack (of footballs, that is). If I had a dollar for every frown or grumpy face that I see in the office, I’d have Donald Trump money. When people ask “how’s it going?” I usually just respond “It’s Monday”. That’s the universal code for “today sucks, everything sucks, but glad we both understand it”.

“Can’t Wait To Start My Diet!”

I always heard that the best day to start something new is Monday. It’s easier to track how many weeks it’s been since you started a diet, stopped smoking, or some other life goal. Needless to say, not everyone ends up perusing what they thought they would. Either something will hold you back from starting (see Murphy’s Law) or you overdosed on Phuckitol pills and decided to start it next Monday. Little do you know that you’re just setting yourself up for another weekly letdown.

So next Sunday while you’re recouping from Saturday’s hangover and thinking about what the next week has in store for you, just know that the Problem Child of the week awaits you. Buckle down, keep your head up, and know that Tuesday is there to comfort you when it’s all over.


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