Sunday: the one day of the week that is owned by The Lord and the NFL. I usually use Sunday’s as a day to recap the weekend that I most likely forgot, wonder why I have a bunch of singles in my sock, and watch some football while enjoying a cold Bud Light. It’s also a day where I sit and think about stuff. Very broad, and you’ll find out why.
Does This Make Me Look Skinny?
Why is it people always brag about clothes that don’t fit? “These used to fit me, now they’re so big!” Shut up. No one cares that you now look like you’re wearing M.C Hammer jeans. Why can’t I brag about my jeans that are too tight? “I used to eat healthy, but chicken nuggets are so fucking good!” Awesome if losing weight was a positive, but so is dressing accordingly. Get a new wardrobe and stop looking like you steal your parent’s clothes.
Fit Bit Bullshit
Since when has counting steps been a big concern with people? The only time it’s appropriate to count steps is when your treasure map says you’re 30 paces away from where X marks the spot. Stop micromanaging your life. Who knows: with the sudden boom of these “hover boards”, soon people will want to know how many miles they didn’t walk.
“I’ve Always Been A Mets Fan!”
To all my true Mets fans: congratulations. You finally have something to cheer about. To everyone who went to Modell’s this morning to fit into Monday morning’s water cooler conversation: do yourself a favor and jump in front of the band wagon. If there’s one thing I can’t stand it’s people who jump ship according to who’s winning. Remember: that fat chick that you didn’t want to talk to in high school is a complete smoke show now. Stick with your team through thick and thin (no pun intended).
Take this Sunday to reflect on life and all the things that are funny in it.